Sleep, Glorious Sleep
Having been there, done that with a new baby I wanted to share one of the greatest tools I found while struggling through the first six months sleep deprivation with our little man, Cameron, now 3.
Cam wanted to feed all night - and all day for that matter, but it was the all night that nearly killed me. So I fed and fed and fed and when that didn’t work, we rocked, we dummied, we patted, we walked (and walked and walked), we drove around in the car, we attempted to sing (ughhh!)…. and we quietly went insane! I know you know what I’m talking about here!
I was so convinced that I was doing something totally wrong, that I was a terrible mother, that if I just knew what my precious little bundle REALLY wanted, we could all catch a few equally precious hours shut eye. My hubby and I were on the same page - I am so lucky to have a man who I can be completely honest with, who really talks to me, and who listens with his entire self. Unfortunately, our page and Cameron’s weren’t even in the same library!
So, I hunted around on the internet, re-read all my baby books, scoured magazines and rang everyone I knew who had had a sleepless baby in the past twenty years! I was on a mission… but nothing felt right… nothing fit with our idea of how to treat Cameron, and how to treat our relationship.
I was adament I didn’t want to bring Cameron into our bed. I truly think it is fabulous that it works for so many people, but to my husband and I, our bed is sacred. It’s our meeting place at the end of the day, our place for laughter, fun, serious talks, quiet companionship - our marital bed.
I also couldn’t gel with the controlled crying theory, letting him cry for so many minutes and then going in and out for hours like that - at least I thought I couldn’t…
And then I came upon Tizzie Hall - I think I first read an article of hers in Practical Parenting, or the Australian Parents mags - anyway, she sounded sane, she sounded reasonable, and she claimed that your baby too could sleep from 7pm ’til 7am each and every morning…
I know, I know, I didn’t believe it either. But it’s true. Every word.
Basically, she talks about babies needing to learn how to self settle, and works of the premise that we frazzled sleep deprived parents don’t initially give them the space or support to do this… we bought her programs from her web site - www.saveoursleep.com.au - and our lives changed.
The first big step was to make sure we really WERE on the same page - the first three nights were going to be TOUGH, and we needed to know that we would be there for each other, that we would support each other, that we wouldn’t sabotage the program, and most of all - that we could have a good cry together if it all felt like too much!
We had to leave Cam cry for a designated period of time (possibly 12 minutes??), once we had put him down, and not try and settle him in any way - no rocking, patting, dummy - the only exception was a blankie comforter. If he still wasn’t asleep, we could go in. Keeping it quiet and soothing and pat him to sleep - the key, and the reason I liked the program compared to a straight controlled crying routine, was that once you went back in, you stayed there until bubs was asleep… no walking in and out, no traumatising holding of breath in the hall - waiting for a sob from the little one.
Let me tell you, and I will hold no punches… the first night was absolute hell. I cried, he cried, hubby cried, and if we all got an hours sleep I’d be suprised. The next night was a shocker, but we all cried less, and definately got more sleep. And night three was bliss. It wasn’t perfect. But we could see the light at the end of the tunnel - this was going to work.
Now, Tizzie’s routine’s (different ones for different age groups) include day time sleep and feeding patterns too (and something called a Dreamfeed, which you wont believe is possible, but believe me - our bubs LOVED it!) - I thought it would be really rigid, and it turned me off at first, but now I wouldn’t be without them. Our pattern is a little different - Cam goes to bed at 8pm and will sleep until 7.30 - 8am, depending on how busy a day he’s had and how much fresh air! We can happily go off to Melbourne (two hours away) for the night, travel during the boys nap times, and know that they will still sleep all night in a strange motel room, in a strange cot or bed without a hassle in the world.
I can’t tell you guys how wonderful this site, and I assume the available book, was for our family. We have told so many people, and get the same sort of response… “our little one wont do that”, “I hate routine”, “we’re happy with him in the bed….(and hubby on the couch, spare bed whatever - yeah, right!)” - but the most common one… “my spouse wont be able to let him cry”. It was hard. It was really hard. But for three nights difficulty we have this amazing little boy, who rarely fights naps or bed time and we get as much sleep as we need. He even picks up teddy and tells you if you’ve let it slip 15 minutes… “need sleeeep”, he says.
Jack, just turned 1, is in bed at 8pm and sleeps through to 8 - 8.30am, and goes down for two daytime naps wide awake! And rather than the horrific haze of sleepless nights that we endured early on with Cam, Jack was on the routines straight away and loved them. Sure beat patting and rocking all night! I guess this has been the icing on the cake - initially we thought, hey sure, it worked for Cam, but it just happened to suit him. We weren’t holding our breath for the same result from Jack. We were wrong - Tizzie’s routines worked beautifully for both our very different little men.
“Sleeeep” I say - the second best medicine in the world. The first? That first thing in the morning snuggle from my two radiant little monkeys (AND their daddy) - I love being a mummy!
What has worked for you? What hasn’t? Love to hear your thoughts!
Cath xx